Some elements are uncontrollable, and I must accept them. It is best to control as many elements as possible before entering the sea. My experience of surfing at isolated big wave spots has taught me that anything to do with the sea involves control and acceptance.

This minefield of explosions and sniper like waves and currents is assisted by the cover of darkness in trying to hold me back. I am using decades of experience in the surf to get me from one end of the beach to the other. I hear the crack of the crest as it breaks its silent stealth like approach right before it detonates. I feel a wave pull me towards it before it breaks. In accepting that I cannot see everything out here I have become very at ease. Panicked squinting into the darkness, trying desperately to spot the next wave before it got me was not worth the energy. It is not my sight I rely on though – I abandoned that idea a few weeks ago. The swell lines stand above the horizon just before they break, it is enough to give me a second or two before impact. I momentarily check my position using a church spire and a distinctive sand dune top that disrupt the glow of a distant skyline. The froth from the aftermath of the break temporarily lights the gloomy waters. Once I have listened to check the coast is clear, I open my eyes then my mouth for a breath and continue swimming. My impact vest helps me surface, but I am careful to do so with my face toward shore. They send me spiralling into the black peat-stained depths of the undertow. Swells that have travelled across the cold Atlantic are marching out of the darkness, folding in two and exploding yards beyond me off the Northern Irish coast. It’s January, 10:45 pm, the sky is black, the beach deserted, the ocean is on fire. I am trying to make my way along the coast.

Trying to raise two children only added to the complexity.I am swimming parallel to the shore, about 100 yards out in the raging north Atlantic. 'It's just like everything, your whole life becomes revolved around pain,' Jessie said. Six months after Jessie's long-term relationship ended, a back injury from basketball resulted in a chronic pain and difficulty in standing at times. Open Arms Veterans & Families Counselling 1800 011 046.Care Leavers Australasia Network (CLAN) on 1800 008 774.Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander crisis support line 13YARN on 13 92 76.Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.Jessie, who works as an artist, was also acquainted with pain. When Frog's 20-year career as a technical director for live theatre was coming to an end, after years of leaving a young family at home to commute to Melbourne, he had a nervous breakdown. ( ABC Central Victoria: Larissa Romensky)īoth had struggled with anxiety and depression and had glimpsed a darkness, when life was considered not worth living. Open-water swimming has many benefits linked to improved mental health.

Swimming in the dark